Tuesday, 31 January 2006

Dear Mommy,

I am in Heaven now...I so wanted to be your little girl. I don't quite understand what has happened. I was so excited when I began realizing my existance. I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me. Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy. That same day, the most horrible thing happened. A very mean Monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me please! Mommy, help me." Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore. Then the monster started ripping my arms off. It hurt so bad; the pain i can never explain. It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off. Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me. I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy. Now I couldn't, all my dreams were shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. No use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand. And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone. The angel took me away to a wonderful place. Then I was happy. I asked the angel what was the thing was that killed me. He answered, "Abortion. I am sorry, for I know how it feels. " I don't know what abortion is, I guess that's the name of the monster. I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn't want to die. Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did.

Love, Your Baby Girl

I wont bother much abt other's views since they fail to put themselves in my shoe. they are just passing clouds in my life.. nothing for me to get angry with them. just my tots that i hv my rite of speech to complain. dun tell me she dun hv any complain at all. nevertheless, i do hv alot of supportive friends and my family who are willing to share with me my weal n woes here. i deeply appreciate that.

Sunday, 29 January 2006

Came across all these in a forum:

I just can't talk to my mum, cos she is very emotional like me. For little things she will become paranoid..in fact my mum is giving me additional stress..she is over-concern for me to the extent i cant handle it, sometimes i don like going home to see my family becos of her. i know she loves me too much and i love her too but i cant manage her.
i tried many ways..but whenever i m in bed my mind will go wild..all the negative tots start appearing in my mind. i have no appetite at all but i still force myself to eat some.

i realised i jus like to be alone and stay in the dark.the idea of dying keeps appearing as i do not wish to suffer further

I did that once many years ago, cut myself many times on my wrist. I was quarelling with my husband, and I just want to hurt myself so that he will be nice to me. After so many years of being together, and so many tears and heartbreaks, the love is gone, and I no longer feel the urge to cut myself anymore. My heart is dead and I don't feel anything.

So the fact that you cut yourself, shows that you still love your husband very much. And your husband cried when he saw your cuts, this shows that he still loves you. Since 2 of you are still in love with each other, why not try harder to make things work ? You know we feel unhappy, because we don't get what we want. We want our husband to spend a lot of time with us, show a lot of concern for us, and better still do all the housework for us. So when he can't, we are very sad. Instead of expecting so much from him, why not expect nothing at all ? Absolutely nothing. So long as he is still giving you money, and not seeing another woman. Don't expect him to spend any time with you, or show any concern at all. This is how I am going through my life now. My husband frequently comes home around midnight. So if one night he comes back at 8pm, I feel so happy. He always stick to the computer when he is home, so if he spends some time with the children, I feel so happy too. I am living for myself and my children, not for him. I don't need a man in my life in order to survive. I am doing all this for the sake of my children.

Saturday, 07 January 2006

How long am i going to go on like this?

Haven’t been updating my blog for the past few days cos am too busy with my work and had received good news on 27 Dec 05 that kept me so busy and tired.

Just went to a short trip to Bintan resort (with Christ & his wife and Ah Gee, his wife & his son) on 1 Jan 06, boy planned this and wanna me to go there relax. Not really fun there but we do enjoy the trip. The expenses there is even higher than Singapore and their foods there is like @#*@#&*!#@. Puke!

Today is Saturday right? but my day is like suck. Why I’m at home now… keep eating and sleeping. So boring!! Boy doesn’t allow me to go shopping and wanted me to rest at home. I don’t wanna my life to be like this. No one can help me? I missed my friends, my cousin and the crowd in town area… feel like calling SZ, MQ or whoever and sneak out.

Don’t know whether is it becos the weather is just so good for sleeping or becos I’m just too tired. Now my life is just Eat! Eat! Eat! Aiyo…keep craving for food leh and Sleep! Sleep! Sleep! Zzzz…. I don’t wanna to be a fat pig though I got no choice. What am I going to do for the rest of today? Having to go on like this for next and next and every weekend? Now feeling hungry again… gonna to go find foods. Haha!

Tuesday, 27 December 2005

Merry Christmas 2005!

Wish all of you a very Merry Christmas & a joyous New Year!

Me and SZ setup and decorated my Christmas tree at my house. It's damn beautiful when we lighted up the xmas tree with the dangling silver and gold decors. It will sure bring out the xmas atmosphere with that tree and the gifts for exchange.

On the eve of Christmas. Me and boy went to Tiong Bahru Plaza, NTUC, to buy drinks for the Christmas Party organised at my house. Then boy accompanied me to nearby see doctor (let not tok abt this at the moment). We then relaxing at home with the dim light and soft music played by boy while waiting for our friends. Everyone were here at 6.45pm and placed their xmas gift under the beautiful xmas tree. It really look wonderful with the gifts there.

Von, Des, SJ, YL, MQ, boy and me then processed to Great World City, The Jack Place for xmas dinner. The food was really great and we had fun chatting and especially with the strong xmas ambience and party gift given by The Jack Place. We happily chatted high and low until 9.45pm then the 'goldenpillow933' came out of my mind. Oh gosh, the delivery men is going to send the curry chicken bun and Palace Emperor chicken i had ordered for the party at '10pm !!!!!!'. Luckily i lived nearby only and managed to rch home at 10pm sharp but the delivery men was not here yet until 10.45pm.. haha! Made us so gan cheong. SZ and her hubby, ZL then joined us for countdown after their xmas party with their friends. It was really fun cos we had party hats, mask and all those ling ling dong dong for each of us.

We countdown for the arrival of xmas day and wished everyone Happy Merry Christmas!. It's really fun but the main highlight was the gift exchange. Everyone will draw lot for the gift that we would get. I have a very nice coffee cup with a plate from YL and boy got two nice cups from Des. While MQ had a special alarm digital clock, SJ had  a hair dryer, SZ had a photo frames, Des had a ELLE towel. YL gotten my gift 'a soccer cushion', hehe~ actually i hope that i could get that instead cos i loved it. Haha.. As for ZL, hehehe.... he gotten the gift that i helped boy to buy. Interested to know what's that? Wahaha... is a towel with two surprise gift i hidden inside. Okok it was a towel with a packet of comdom and pregnancy test kit in it. The rest were then laughing out of their lungs. At first all the guys tot is just a towel until i was so excited and kept laughing and asking ZL to open up the towel. Do you know i am so worry that this gift will be drawn by SQ or YL. Haha lucky man~ I just find it so useful for SZ and ZL but i know they will think i am crazy. We then decided to have a mahjong session while SZ, YL, SJ and me have card game with bailey (with alcohol but taste like chocolate milk) replaced the money for the loser(s). Hee~

It was really fun, is just that crazy ppl (Sz'zl) spoilt b0y and my mood.

Anyway i hope i can and definitely will organise another party at my house for New Year countdown or even for next year if friends are happy to. Haha~

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Saturday, 17 December 2005

Hehe~ just back from Orchard, and again not empty handed.

Yesterday collected my bonus and the figure was a "Wah... wow" to me... Haha, just cant wait to go downtown and quickly sms SJ and Von for a shopping spree tot i still have credit card not yet cleared. Must really know how to pamper myself for the hardwork lor.... and that is life. Spent a few hundred dollars on clothes and a hair treatment cream. It costed me ard $70 for that stupid cream, but no choice, my hair cant go without that due to the temporary curling of my hair.

Still cant decide whether to go for permanent digital perm or for rebonding, or worst to worst just let it be for now. Can anyone just give me comments. Pro: boy and friends commented that i look great in curl. Con: it will dry and damage my hair. I need HELP!!

SJ bought a 'Guerlain' radiant loose powder. The beauty consultant actually applied it to her face... and wah~ it really made a different. It made her skin smoother and indeed radiant. Von also has hers bought by her boyboy and we could see that her skin still look so radient and smooth throughout the day. It really good! but no point for me to buy though i love it, i still got 2 (thumbs up for mine also) stocked up in my drawer. I just dun like to apply foundation or loose powder on my face at all, just focus on my eyes lor. Anyway is a 'Star Buy $$$'. Hehe.

Wah feel so hungry now, my mind kept thinking of prata, HK polo bao, tiong Bahru's wanton mee, lor mee, pasta, crayfish.... etc. Argh... i want BUFFET now. boy~ i will be overjoy if u can sneak out from your work and bring me out to eat now. Think i'm dreaming.

Is Midnight 1.47am now... Eat? Fatfatfat....Haiz... think i better go and cook maggie mee before i faint.

Nite!

Monday, 12 December 2005

Have been lazing on my bed after bath till now. Brought some work back home to do, but just dont feel like doing already. Haha... 'Monday Blue'? Now in a relax mode and is enjoying with the glass of Korea ginseng + honey drink that i have made. Had dinner with boy just now before he goes to work. I'm looking forward to see boy tomorrow morning. Hehe~ although it's just going to be a glimpse (?).

Yesterday went to Malaysia with boy to attend ZL's wedding. My comments is that their waiter's service is really bad. Des, Boy and my clothes were 'stained?' with the shark fin soup and dessert. From our table view, we couldnt see the stage at all becos of those big pillars. Haiz....

It's my lil idol, MQ's birthday so after the wedding lunch, i met her for dinner and a shopping spree. Of cos we not going home empty handed. hee~ Then we went to Wisma MIO to look for JY. MQ trip to there was not wasted haha... cos she got a gift (MIO's ring with 5 sparkling diamonds) from JY.

Then actually i intended to take cab back home but the queue was fucking long. So called boy to come fetch me (i just dun wanna to waste money to on-call cab).

Received the photos taken 2 weeks ago from SZ. Here are some of the pics -> Szel

El Me_shujun

Boy just msn me that he is going to makan now. Hehe... Enjoy your foods and work! Wah... already 11.40pm now and is my sleeping time loh........

Sunday, 27 November 2005

Dior Play - Simply love it

Bought this limited edition, must have “Dior Play, Gamble on Beige, extreme shin lip gloss”. Missed another limited edition one that I wanna to buy last year, so dun wanna miss this one this time though it cost a bomb @ $70 for just this little dice with lip gloss. I simply LOVE it.

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Saturday, 26 November 2005

I Finally Found Someone .....

Yes! Finally got my actual day wedding photos yesterday. Really miss my wedding and I finally found someone, My Love one ……

08 October 2005 (Saturday) was my big day. Me woke up at 630am waiting for my makeup artist (MUA) to arrive. I did not have enough sleep at all the night before. Slept at 11pm but only managed to meet “zhou gong” after about an hours of turning here and there and kept waking up every hour (haha~ same as SZ). SZ very steady, she is the first to reach my house follow by Shujun, Von, Yaling, Huihui, Meiqi aka Leann and Jiayin.

The jiemeis then went to mess up my Mummy’s Kitchen, preparing the ingredients to make a delicious breakfast for my love one (groom aka Johnnie) and his 9 buddies. Who know, you know lah, nowadays girls hor don’t really know how to make food especially healthy food.  They prepared foods and drinks like cookies with wasabi, bitter gourd with chilli powder, pi pa gao, dark soya sauce and even sour to sweet candies etc. This is what we discussed to offer to my love one and his buddies during my Hen Party. I am in my room happily pampered by my MUA, dun really know what happened to my kitchen and whether they prepared the food to the menu or they added even more special ingredients for them.

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My love and his xiongdis arrived and horned. The sisters ran up to my room saying that the groom and xiongdis are here, recalled how Johnnie bullied me sometime, I told them dun let Johnnie come in so easily. My beloved sisters offered their delicious yet unhealthy foods to them. The xiongdis were all very Onz sia… finished all the specially made breakfast.  My love one was then asked to answer 10 very tough personal questions about me. He has to pay $100 for per incorrect answer in addition to the angbao that was given to the jiemeis.  Hehe~ he did it very well, managed to answer correctly 8 questions. There are some questions, he answered very smartly and silly, likes “What is E-Ling’s wrist size?” and he answered in doubt “When she eat is 24cm, if never eat is 23cm.” Though the correct answer is 24cm but my love answered this question so smartly that the sisters cannot dun said is correct. Another question, asking about my birth time, he answered it correctly but mixed up with the AM and PM. When Jiayin asked him AM or PM, he said AM, oh my dear is PM ok… must remember hor, if not I slam you. My hubby was then asked to find something to make into a ring for me and made a big love and proposed to me. The xiongdis very smart found a rubber band and made into a ring, one of the xiongdis came out with an idea of using their “branded” shoes to form a big love shape in the carpark. My jiemeis ran up to my room again, opened my room window, and asked me to look down. I was surprised to saw my hubby squatted in the big shaped love with the bouquet. The jiemeis still not satisfied and wanted him to sing a love song to me in that pose. My hubby doesn’t know how to sing and refused to sing also. Luckily, Jackson (a good singer) helped him to sing “Lao shu ai da mi” to me. Finally is the last crash, my hubby got to get the gate key out of a box full of fake insects and hairy toy. Hai… hubby was so timid; don’t dare to put his hand in, thinking that my evil jiemeis have put my sister’s hamster in the box. Haha~ 30 years old man already, still afraid of hamster, HOW TO PROTECT ME. Finally, he managed to get the key. All my jiemeis very excited and ran all the way up to my room and locked my door, haha… another door crash that given them another chance to dig my hubby’s pocket. Hubby very naughty, slotted Malaysia money under the door for them, and of cos they refused to open the door but in the end the jiemeis managed to get the amount they wanted.  WaHaha~ the gate crash lasted for 1 hour plus.

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My hubby finally managed to get them opened the door but not the end yet. He was asked to squat and moved to me, proposed and helped me to wear that rubber ring  and kissed me. Wah… I could see my hubby and the xiongdis are all perspired. I knew is tough but once in a lifetime so must enjoy mah, hehe...

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Thereafter, we headed to our “Bird” nest (Boon Tiong) then followed by my grandparent house and parent-in-law house for tea ceremony. All of us had our lunch there and went back to my “Bird” nest to change into my beautiful pink cheongsum then headed to my parent’s house for tea ceremony and again eat. Finally, the ceremony was over, we were all exhausted.

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All of them have gone back to rest and prepare for the wedding dinner. Though I were very sleepy (with less than 3 hours of sleep), but I asked my hubby to go rest and I will prepare all necessary things that needed to bring to the banquet.

We reached the banquet at 4.30pm for my makeup and hairdo. Around 6pm, Shujun and Yaling arrived and came to the dressing room to kpo while waiting for the rest of the jiemeis to arrive. They commented that I look great and gorgeous but I kept worried that my makeup is too thick and not natural. Haha~ I still prefer to go without foundation.

Leann, Huihui, Sereen and Yvonne helped out at the reception counter. I were late to the reception counter for the guest arrival cos my mummy is nagging about her hairdo in the dressing room. Complaining not nice, wanted the hairstylist to do for her again and I have to stay there to give her comment on her hair. Hai~ more ma fan then bride leh. Hahaha.

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Before our 1st march in, a short cartoon animation clip was played for the guest. They really enjoy the animation clip; my hubby and I even could hear the guests were laughing about the funny animation on how my hubby and I met and got together. All the guests found it special, funny and entertaining. We think really worth it lor, now and then, I will still open the animation clip to see. Really thanks meowstudio who did this for us.

After the animation clip, we marched in with the pageboy and flower girl. We were expecting nice bubble around us while we marched in but my jiemeis don’t managed to blow out many bubbles. Think some problem with the bubble solution, hai… too bad. The 2nd march in, we were raised from below up to the stage; many of our guests were surprised, thinking that we will march in from the same place. Haha… it really very special.

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Then we went on for the table toasting. Hubby was sabotaged by friends, kept forcing Johnnie to drink. He can’t really drink, first glass (which he only drank half), he already feel the giddiness, so I helped him to drink. Ah Hai very steady, volunteered to drink for Johnnie for every table. Some friend really very bad, mixed different drink and alcohol into the wine, and I still could happily gulp down the wine. Haha..


I changed into another gown for sending off the guest after the dinner. Finally everything is over. Some of the friends stayed to help us pack all the stuffs then we also take photos. SZ and Von said I were too HIGH already cos when they got me a glass of HOT tea, I gulped the HOT tea as if I am drinking the wine. Really I dun feel the hottest at all.

All my jiemeis, friends and relative commented that the banquet was very grand and big with the huge cocktail foyer and reception counter and the whole wedding was very well organized. So overall I am very satisfied with my wedding and really missed that.

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And most important, I found myself a good husband who I can spend my rest of my life with. And I know you can do it because YOU ARE,

The kind of guy who copes with things and never has a flap
The one who fixes cars and often mows the lawn
The one who will takes the kids on Sunday hikes while I with hammock yawn
One who listens to the things I say and laughs out when I joke
One who will do the Sunday BBQ and carves the Sunday roast
then gives me a foot massage, that’s the thing I like the most
Dependable and true who likes to have discussions and ask for my opinion
One who can sit in friendly silence, and never has to babble
One who will make and pour the tea for me and lets me win at scrabble
Pretty rare kind who opens doors for me and lets me have your chair
And earns enough at your travail so we’re debt and mortgage free
But doesn’t put your work ahead of caring about me
YOU ARE The husband I am looking for and you are rare that my friends have tried to tell me that in number they are few. And I treasure you and I know you too.

Saturday, 30 July 2005

The MIRACLE OF LIFE

In the womb…

An embryo of few weeks inside the mothers womb.

It is in the beginning of its development.

There is a long road ahead.

It is the first step of human development at this stage it can be confused with the embryo of dog or monkey.

It is connected to the vitelino bag that provides the nutrients that it needs in the first week of life.

After about 8 weeks of gestation, the vitelino bag loses its function.

The umbilical cord then start to feed it with nutrients provided from the mother body.

While everything happens, it float, calmly, in the uterus of its mother.

In 16th week of gestation it already has developed the limbs.

The eye are still closed, but the hands and the feet start to move themselves, even though its mother does not perceive it yet.

Through the ecografia 4D, parent of the baby can actually see the features of the baby quite clearly even its facial expressions.

At 24 week only the lungs are not completely formed if it was born at this moment, it would have a good chance of survival.

At this stage it already moves the arms and the legs, it blinks the eyes, and it sucks the fingers.

It is becoming conscientious of the space that surrounds it.

As with all embryos, it passes most of the time sleeping.

It even Dreams

Complete at nine months and is ready to be born.

In 40 weeks, what was one cell was changed into a human being.

The miracle of the formation of the life of a human being in the womb is almost finished.

In few days the lung and the placenta will be put in charge to signal that the hour of the childbirth has arrived.

The baby still sleep, calm, in the womb of its mother. It does not know that soon it will abandon the placidness of its “house” to pass through one of the most traumatic experience of its life: The Birth

Yes, becoz the childbirth is not painful only for the mother. It is also traumatic and stressful for the baby.

BUT IT IS THUS THAT IT HAPPENS

The MIRACLE OF LIFE

To see photos and video, in Spaniard, visits the address:

idobaby webby

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